


What the Cat Stole

by willow_larkspur



Series: Gwen's Competition Fics [112]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abusive Severus Snape, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Animagus Luna Lovegood, Autistic Harry Potter, Autistic Luna Lovegood, Book 6: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Canon-Typical Behavior, Condescending Hermione Granger, Desi Harry Potter, Gen, Luna has a plan, Manipulative Albus Dumbledore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:35:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22608634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/willow_larkspur/pseuds/willow_larkspur
Summary: Someone has been collecting things around Hogwarts. "Collecting" might not be the right word. One might even use the word "stealing" or "borrowing with no intent to return". There's no way that a half-grown cat could be the culprit. That's as silly as thinking that Luna was anything but loony!
Relationships: Luna Lovegood/Harry Potter
Series: Gwen's Competition Fics [112]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1250309
Comments: 8
Kudos: 129
Collections: Monthly Challenges for All (2019)





	What the Cat Stole

**Author's Note:**

  * For [starspangledmeatball](https://archiveofourown.org/users/starspangledmeatball/gifts), [Jetainia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jetainia/gifts).



> Legal Disclaimer: I own my stuff, but not the original source material. That belongs to whoever. Also, the opinions and interpretations I use here may not reflect the same in said whoever that owns the source material. Look, I’m just a poor college librarian. Suing me isn’t going to get you anything but tears.  
> Warning: This work may be offensive to some readers. Feel free to back out if need be.  
> Author’s Note: I may have used this piece to express a pet peeve that I have with the HP fandom at large. Not that I necessarily blame the HP fandom at large for overlooking how BAMF Luna Lovegood is, because the late JKR overlooked her, too. Don’t mess with the genii, people. Seriously.
> 
> Dedication: to Trish and Jet, because they may also see the humor in having an autistic character be a cat.

(^^)  
 **What the Cat Stole**  
(^^)

Cats weren’t an unusual sight at Hogwarts. In fact, they were actually very common. The school had always permitted the animals (and their magical counterparts, kneazles) as pets and familiars. Not only were they great at calming the students, but the presence of the felines helped deter pests. It was this latter use that had the Founders weaving charms into the very stones of the castle to allow the creatures access to all spaces within it, even otherwise well-warded areas such as offices and storage cupboards.

So when Severus Snape rushed to his ingredients cupboard after the alarm he had added after Potter’s theft of boomslag to discover nothing more than a leggy kitten, he did nothing more than growl at the ruined sleep before chasing the thing out into the dungeons and resetting the wards. Policing cats was more impossible than reigning in a Potter’s ego. Trying to do so for kittens on the cusp of adulthood would be even more so. Frankly, with the Dark Lord moving openly since the battle at the Ministry just a few months ago, he just didn’t have the energy to waste on the endeavor.

When he noticed that certain ingredients were lower than they should be when he did his inventory during the winter break, the feline invader didn’t even cross his mind as a cause. Slughorn had strange ideas of what belonged on the curricula, after all, and was far more permissive with the dunderheads’ mistakes. Why, Slughorn even wasted both time and ingredients supervising interested students in practicing their brewing! As if the brats were capable of understanding the intricacies of the art!

Severus was going to have words about whatever Slughorn did with the missing vial of unicorn blood, however. It was not easy to come by freely-gifted blood from the creatures, even with a large herd living on the grounds, and with the curse tainting any forcefully taken specimens, the few vials in the stores were too precious to waste on whatever experiment _old Sluggy_ had done.

(^^)

Albus barely noticed the cream-colored kitten skittering around his desk as he collapsed in the chair behind it. Dealing with Rufus was even more tiring than dealing with Cornelius had ever been. Cornelius had been just the right amount of unintelligent—not truly _stupid_ , of course, as no one could manage to reach the office of Minister of Magic without some kind of intelligence, no matter who they bribed. But he had been very _malleable_ , which made him useful for turning a blind eye to certain things that Albus wanted to remain unexamined.

However, everything that had made Rufus an outstanding Head Auror also made him annoyingly stubborn when it came to seeing things from the perspective that Albus needed from him. He wanted to question everything Albus told him and most especially everything that Albus refused to tell him. When Albus tried to explain how things had to proceed for the Greater Good, Rufus always tried to turn Albus’ reasoning around, demanding that they combine resources to combat Voldemort. There was more than one occasion since the election during the past summer that Albus had wished that Amelia Bones had been alive to be the shoo-in candidate that everyone had been so certain she would have been if Voldemort hadn’t killed her.

Not that Albus thought that one former Hufflepuff would be easier to deal with than another, of course. The entire House had all the tenacity of their mascot, after all, and while their work ethic was always beyond compare, their collective desire to protect everyone’s welfare equally, regardless of any metric of worthiness, was problematic when it came to guiding them to where Albus needed them. If he were to be honest, he would have preferred a Gryffindor in the office, especially in these dark times. A fellow Gryffindor would understand why things must proceed as he had arranged, or at least, they would know better than to question his wisdom on things.

Albus sighed heavily as he turned towards Fawkes’ stand. He blinked in surprise to see that the phoenix had burned while he had been at the Ministry. He must have been there longer than he had thought, too, because the house elves had already had a chance to clear the ashes from the drop tray under the stand.

The office door barely missed the tip of a pale tail as it closed silently behind the exiting cat.

(^^)

Harry had his eyes closed as he laid in the bottom of one of the boats used to ferry the first-years across the lake at the start of term. Even half-beached as it was, the gentle waves from the Black Lake beat a steady rhythm against the ancient wood. It was comforting in a way that few things were since the end of the Tri-Wizard Tournament.

Flying had been like that once, back before he had been made Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Now he had even less time than before to just fly. Taking his broom out of the dorm also served as an invitation for every broomhead in the Tower to follow him to the field. The loudest of them was McLaggen who was always full of useless advice.

Thankfully, no one ever came to the dock under Hogwarts after the Sorting.

 _‘Well, almost no one_ ,’ Harry corrected as a cream tabby pounced on him from outside the boat. In the dimness of the torchlight, the pale kitten practically glowed, her cream on white stripes a declaration against the dark surrounding them. Gold fur centered on her nose faded into cream as it flowed away from her face. It gave the cat a vaguely surprised look to match the default expression of her human form. Smiling, he absently petted the purring thing as she kneaded his Weasley jumper. As she settled down for a cuddle, Harry added a gentle scratch behind a delicate ear that matched the fur closest to her nose.

As dates went, Harry knew that this couldn’t be considered normal. Dean and Ginny certainly didn’t hide when they took their walks around the castle. Ron and Lavender had no trouble snogging right in the middle of the common room. Even the Gryffindors who had partners in other Houses didn’t go out of their way to keep their relationships secret.

But then no one else was the Chosen One, were they? No one else was expected to defeat a fully-trained wizard without any extra training beyond Dumbledore’s trips down the Tom Riddle channel of Memory Lane. Harry did wonder if Dumbledore realized just how horrible he looked in the memory of his first meeting with Tom. The casual cruelty the headmaster had displayed reminded Harry of Aunt Petunia, and the resulting sympathy he felt for the other boy made him dizzy if he thought about it too much.

A demanding headbutt against his chin made Harry realize that he had paused in his stroking. Chuckling, he returned to the task at hand. Petting his girlfriend was a better use of his time anyway.

(^^)

“I finished it,” Luna announced as she slid into the seat next to Harry at dinner one day in March. She was wearing an orange vest over a knee-length yellow tunic. Saffron leggings completed the outfit. Not phased by the non sequitur, Harry passed the blonde the dish for mixed fruit that he knew she would like. He could feel Ginny glaring at them from her spot down the table. She had been angry since Harry had ducked her attempted kiss after the Quidditch Match last week and he honestly didn’t understand why. “I suggest we do it as publicly as possible. Wouldn’t want to leave any room for doubt, after all.”

“Do you have something in mind?” Harry asked, knowing that she probably did. Despite the brief amount of time they had been more than friends, he already knew that she must if she was breaking their agreed secrecy. Luna would never risk hurting him by putting herself in unplanned risk. There was a reason that she was in the House of the Wise, after all, even if everyone seemed to forget that.

“What are you talking about?” Hermione demanded. She had been in an increasingly grumpy mood for the last few months. Harry would be the first to admit that he didn’t understand the reason for it. It had something to do with Ron and Lavender getting together, which didn’t make sense. At least hiding his relationship with Luna outside of taking her to Slughorn’s Christmas party spared Harry from becoming another focus of Hermione’s ire. “What did you finish? Why would people doubt it if it weren’t public?”

“I finished what is needed to defeat He Who Must Not Be Named,” Luna answered matter-of-factually.

Something settled in him at the confirmation that she definitely had everything planned. Her pale blue eyes skimmed over Hermione’s face, not bothering with any attempt at focusing there. It hadn’t been that long ago that Luna might have tried to force that particular issue, but Harry knew from their discussion of their shared difficulty that spending time in her Animagus form had changed her perspective on how important it was to _behave_.

The scariest part of Transfiguration had always been just how absolute the changes were when done correctly. A mouse became a snuffbox completely, without any more life than any other object. A desk came alive as a pig, however briefly. An Animagus became their inner beast so completely that they could even fool creatures that fed on humans such as dementors.

“You?” Hermione asked with audible disbelief. “You are going to do what the ministry, a full department of trained Aurors, and Professor Dumbledore can’t manage?”

Around them, the other students had gone silent and still. None of them were even pretending to continue eating, openly watching the exchange. Harry could even feel the tingle that accompanied charms for eavesdropping. As much as Harry loved his friend, he also hated her at that moment. Even as outlandish as Luna could be sometimes, she would never treat Hermione this way. She would never put Hermione on the spot like this.

_‘And Hermione said that Ron was the one with emotional range of a teaspoon. Honestly.’_

Luna picked a slice of kiwi directly from the bowl that Harry had placed in front of her. She seemed calm as she bit into the bright green fruit. Harry wasn’t fooled. He had seen that exact expression on too many felines to not recognize that Luna’s tail would have been lashing if she had it at that moment. After consuming the slice in three tidy bites, Luna licked her fingers clean.

“Of course not,” Luna answered finally when Hermione had given an impatient huff at the delay. “Harry is going to defeat him, because fate has decreed it and too many people have put too much magic and effort behind it for there to be any other outcome.”

Hermione puffed up like she had just won the battle of wills. Harry fought down the urge to groan with all the willpower that living with the Dursleys had taught him. Did Hermione spend any time at all with Crookshanks? How did she not recognize what was happening here? How is it that she could be so brilliant and so blindly stupid at the same time? Maybe the reason that his previous dating attempts hadn’t worked out really was that girls were just plain weird.

Thank god that he was dating Luna who wasn’t one.

“I’m just going to arrange their next meeting,” Luna finished tidily and seemingly unaware of the effect the words had on her audience. She hummed thoughtfully as she contemplated the bowl in front of her. She picked a blueberry out of the mix and pressed it against Harry’s lips. “I suppose it will also be their last one, given how the outcome will be the Dark Lord’s defeat.”

Harry accepted both the treat and the declaration equally. Luna smiled at his acceptance and proceed to feed him another berry as a reward. If that smile was full of teeth and would have been more at home on a cat that had just stolen the family goldfish for its dinner, well, then who was he to judge? It wasn’t like he wasn’t aware of just how lethal his girlfriend was. It was everyone else who was just starting to realize that they had underestimated the Ravenclaw.

Luna stole a kiss before giving him a slice of strawberry.

It tasted as sweet as the triumph that he was certain they would shortly have against Voldemort.

**Author's Note:**

> Submitting Info:  
> Stacked with: Hogwarts (Term 12); MC4A (FaB; Ship; War; Share; TY; DP; Swap; T3; SN; FR; O3; RoIL; FPC; ToS; StL; SIN; NC; LL; PP; SoC; FF; NCR; Star; Fence; ER; AV; MLG; Rum; Cluster; VV; MT)  
> Individual Challenges: Hola, Bonjour, Jambo; Rainbow Focus; More than England; Fore-Touch; Feast; Clowder; Gryffindor MC (x4); Ravenclaw MC; Slytherin MC; Sett to Destroy (Y); Lion’s Moon & Shadow Bribery (Y); Thief MC; Seeds; Shipmas; Ways to the Heart; No Proof; Golden Times; Interesting Times; Old Shoes (Y); Location, Location, Location; Ethnic & Present; Neurodivergent; Quiet Time; Letter of the Day (x2); True Colours; Rian-Russo Inversion; Flags & Ribbons; Gender? Who That?; Rowl in Her Grave; Short Jog (Y); Yellow Ribbon (Y); Yellow Ribbon Redux; Two Cakes!; Greatest Gift  
> House: Hufflepuff  
> Assignment No.: Term 12 – Assignment 1  
> Subject (Task No.): Paleontology (Task#10: Write about someone who doesn’t appear it but is dangerous.)  
> Other Hogwarts Challenges: Insane Prompt Challenge [325] (Luna Lovegood); 365 [66] (Defeat)  
> Other MC4A Challenges: Fa Bingo [5B] (Cat); Su Micro 2 (Fruits/Berries); Outer Wear (Orange Vest)  
> Representation(s): Harry Potter/Luna Lovegood; Autistic Harry Potter; Autistic Luna Lovegood; Agender Luna Lovegood  
> Bonus Challenges: Lettuce Hold Hands; Over the Hills; Civil Disobedience; Second Verse (Ladylike; Not a Lamp; Persistence Still; White Dress; Nontraditional; Middle Name; Mother Hen; Unwanted Advice; Car in a Tutu; Lock & Key; For the Vine; Lovely Coconuts; Lyre Liar; Muck & Slime; Rock of Ages; Casper’s House; Hot Apple; Snow Lemon; Queen Bee; Under the Bridge; Where Angels Fear); Chorus (Odd Feathers; Wabi Sabi; Bee Haven; Machismo; Peddling Pots; Mouth of Babes; Tomorrow’s Shade; Larger than Life; Unicorn; Bast’s Blessing; No Touchy; Abandoned Ship; In the Trench; Surprise!; Turtle-Duck; Sitting Hummingbird; Some Beach; Hot Stuff; Mermaid)  
> Tertiary Bonus Challenges: T3 (Toad); SN (Rail; Spare); FR (Satisfaction); O3 (Orator; Olivine); RoIL (Satisfaction; Exuviation); TY (Enfant); DP (Yearn)  
> Word Count: 2114


End file.
